I Ache For You

I ache for you in a way I do

not, cannot want anything else in this world.

In the stillness I wake from dreams of you,

whispers fill my head,

travel along my skin like a cool breeze settling over me.

You are my insomnia.

The source of every midnight thought,

the reason for every moonlight wish.

I ache

I ache

I ache for you.

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Lost in Dream

To Little Miss Joy with love

In my dreams I always lose you,

as if I need the reminder.

your absence hangs in the air around me,

each breath I take sparks memories

that jolt across my mind

but ultimately slip away when I exhale.

In my dream last night,

or perhaps it was the early hours of morning,

I fought and ran and clung to you,

desperate to keep you with me,

with all of us.

I forget sometimes,

consumed by my own loss and heartbreak,

that others lost you too,

and that we will always love you,

and miss you.

The only thing I hope for,

is to meet you once again,

not lost in dreams,

but  beautifully, tangibly,

here,

with me.

That Night

I wish I were as beautiful as the words you whispered in my ear

that night when the world was only big enough for you and I

and nothing else

my only want was more of you

perfectly contented by the simplicity of the moment

I forgot to tell you how happy I was

that night when my mind drifted into shocking silence

and all I knew was you

I regret not tasting you in all the ways I wanted to

I feared that I would disrupt the energy that hummed softly around us

but you knew exactly how I felt

and for us that was enough

Sunday Morning

On a perfect Sunday morning

while our tangled bodies drift in quiet slumber

the gentle rays of the early summer sun

reach through the glass of our un-curtained window

to wake us with its warmth

my cheek against your chest

your fingers trace circles on my arm and back

time passes as it always does

but we have never been so still

on a perfect Sunday morning

I Don’t Know

 

as I amble down the concrete path

the pinkish sky fading into the abyss

a feeling of unexpected calmness washes over me

and I’ve never felt more unsure.

I can hear the distinct sounds

of unsuppressed laughter and celebratory chants

floating along the cool evening breeze

like a distant echo of a dream returned.

but I can’t join in.

my emotions are too conflicted to simply feel one.

instead, I enjoy the last few moments

in this little bubble

wandering into my favourite building

sneaking up to the fifteenth floor

and pressing my hands and face against the cool glass

taking in the perfect view of the capital city

I’m not ready to leave yet.

or maybe I’m just scared

of being alone and uninspired

and I’d rather stay here forever

then find out what happens after this

because the truth is

I don’t know.

I don’t know what will happen.

it seems like the entire world is watching

waiting for me to make a choice

and I’m not sure I’ll make the right one.

if this is adulthood

then I am not equipped.

I Dream of You

Sometimes you’ll come to me

during the dark hours of the night.

You’ll vanish as quickly as you appear

and all I catch are glimpses of you

just a piece or part

your lips, your arms

Sometimes I see nothing at all

but I still feel your presence

encircling me, consuming me

and all I want is more

more of you

not just in dream, intangible

but here, beside me, always.

I dream of you

more than I dream of anything else

so much that I think you’re real

and waiting just for me.

I dream of you

and only you.

This Is Twenty-Three

It’s a funny age,

twenty-three,

or perhaps funny isn’t the right word.

and maybe my struggle to find the right word

is exactly what I’m trying to say after all.

and I’ll spend the next hour or so,

writing and rewriting this poem,

trying out different words and phrases,

but ultimately failing to get the words just right,

when all I wanted to say is I don’t know how to be 23.