How Much Longer

Each day passes and I grow more unsettled,

I wake alone in a bed with cold sheets,

The only sounds I hear

are the creaks and groans of this empty house,

And I wonder how many days will be like this

When the silence is so quiet it suffocates,

And the aching in my body is paralyzing,

And all I can do is lie there,

Alone in a bed with frozen sheets,

Wondering if I’ll make it through another frigid winter,

Or if maybe the ice will finally freeze my heart,

And I can enjoy the bitter numbness I was promised.

A life alone doesn’t have to be lonely,

but I am,

Alone and lonely,

And I need to know how much longer it will be,

This loneliness,

Because the dreams are fading,

And my memory is growing dull,

I’m forgetting why I need to cling to you,

This intangible idea of you,

When I could be perfectly okay not knowing who you are.

So how much longer do I have to wait?

To find out whether you are real and mine,

Or just another flimsy fantasy to collect

and store dusty shelves

of a life that could have been.

How much longer

do I sleep in bed alone with arctic sheets,

In an empty house that creaks and groans,

Without you?

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