Each day passes and I grow more unsettled,
I wake alone in a bed with cold sheets,
The only sounds I hear
are the creaks and groans of this empty house,
And I wonder how many days will be like this
When the silence is so quiet it suffocates,
And the aching in my body is paralyzing,
And all I can do is lie there,
Alone in a bed with frozen sheets,
Wondering if I’ll make it through another frigid winter,
Or if maybe the ice will finally freeze my heart,
And I can enjoy the bitter numbness I was promised.
A life alone doesn’t have to be lonely,
but I am,
Alone and lonely,
And I need to know how much longer it will be,
Because the dreams are fading,
And my memory is growing dull,
I’m forgetting why I need to cling to you,
This intangible idea of you,
When I could be perfectly okay not knowing who you are.
So how much longer do I have to wait?
To find out whether you are real and mine,
Or just another flimsy fantasy to collect
and store dusty shelves
of a life that could have been.
How much longer
do I sleep in bed alone with arctic sheets,
In an empty house that creaks and groans,