It’s hard to move forward.
The past clings to you like a second skin,
Smothering your chances at happiness if you let it.
For years I’ve hibernated,
Kept in a cocoon with tainted memories,
They took up more room than I thought,
Making it hard to breathe sometimes,
But I refused to let go of the pain,
For fear of numbness.
I had to feel something,
Choosing anger and grief over death,
I walked freely toward the fire.
I let the fire scorch me,
I let the flames stroke my skin,
Like an inferno,
I was consumed.
Pain left me hot,
But sadness kept me calm.
I played back memories of you like a film reel,
Over and over I’d see your face,
Your smile flashed across my mind like highlights,
I’d freeze that picture of your face in my mind,
Just to stare at it,
Just to memorize it all over again.
Hot to cold,
Hot to cold,
It wasn’t long before my responses weakened.
The fire not enough to spark rage,
Your face not enough to elicit tears,
I fell into a void of nothingness.
The memories weren’t enough anymore,
Their colour fading around the edges like a polaroid,
Like I was losing my vision,
Like I was losing you.
I brought myself to limbo,
Losing all sensation,
My senses dull,
My heartbeat slow,
All I wanted as to be forgotten,
And to forget myself.
I feel nothing.